The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
