he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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