Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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