Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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