i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
