Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
