You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
