I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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