Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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