I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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