it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
