That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
