They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
