It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
