If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
