at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
