they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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