Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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