Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
