i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
