they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
