Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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