I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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