i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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