well you can't waste a boner
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
