I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
