So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
