quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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