i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
