I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
