We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
