somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
