don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
