i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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