Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
