You're completely useless in the revolution.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
