Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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