Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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