So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
