Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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