Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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