Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
