You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
