Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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