I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We left an ass print on the piano.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
