the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
