He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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