I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
