It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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