I heard we made out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
